Girls Of Reality Tv

Byline: Lisa de Moraes

Post TV Columnist Lisa de Moraes takes a look at what's on the tube in a fast-paced give and take about reality, non-reality, cable and you name it.

Join Lisa on Friday, June 3, at 1 p.m. ET to discuss the latest on TV.

Submit your questions and comments before or during the discussion.

De Moraes has written "The TV Column" for The Post since 1998. She served as the TV editor for the entertainment industry trade publication the "Hollywood Reporter" for almost a decade.

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Arlington, Va.: Lisa, what are the viewership numbers on the "Chaotic" show? By accident, on some E! news show, I caught a clip of Britney and K-Fed making out IN EXTREME CLOSE-UP. I had to avert my eyes while frantically trying to change the channel. Ew, I'm no prude, and generally love good reality TV train wrecks, but geez, are people really watching this?

Lisa de Moraes: Hi. About 3 million are watching which is a good number for UPN.

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Washington, D.C.: Lisa,

Is it just me or are the commercials the networks have stuck at the bottom of our screen for their other shows during the time the program is actually airing getting bigger and more obstrusive? I was watching Gilmore Girls the other night, and I swear the thing took up about half the screen and was majorly distracting as I tried to watch the show.

Lisa de Moraes: Bigger and more annoying than ever -- total disrespect for the program being broadcast at the time. I'm surprised producers of hit series, who actually have some clout, don't demand that their show not be subjected to it.

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Chevy Chase, Md.: One watches (at least for the few minutes you can stomach it) that Britney Spears freak show, and you really can't help asking yourself "do these people know they are mentally retarded, or are they just completely oblivious?" Don't these people have handlers that screen this stuff and say, um, "toots, you might not want to put something this depressing and vulgar on TV"?

Lisa de Moraes: Yes they do -- they're called Hollywood Yes-men. Which is why celebrities do so many stupid things, and keep us amused. This show should not be called "Chaotic." It should be called "Clueless." And how about a Chaotic Drinking Game: every time Britbrit says "y'all."

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Today's Poll: Bigger trainwreck: "BritBrit and Kev: Chaotic" or "Hit Me Baby, One More Time"?

Lisa de Moraes: "Hit Me Baby" for sure. So many more people are being injured on that show... BritBrit and Kevster are the only victims on "Chaotic."

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Arlington, Va.: What is the Deep Throat equivalent for The Reporters Who Cover Television?

Lisa de Moraes: Are you asking me to reveal who used to be my very best source who is now very old and not altogether there mentally? In keeping with the policy of The Washington Post, I don't talk until he's dead...

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Arlington, Va.: The Shield is the best Emmy winning show no one is watching (drama)--(comedy award goes to Arrested Development). Has it been renewed? If so, have Anthony Anderson and/or Glenn Close signed for the next season?

Lisa de Moraes: Glenn Close signed for one season. But expect the show to return.

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Springfield, Ill.: OK, I'm out of touch -- what on Earth is "Hit Me Baby One More Time"?

Lisa de Moraes: It's a new reality show, debuted this week, in which has-been pop groups sing songs and then the most pathetic one wins some cash which they donate to a charity of their chosing. Honestly it was the saddest hour of television I've seen since Princess Di's funeral...

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Eastern Market, Washington, D.C.: Lisa -- I know that I should've asked this question last week, but it will become relevant again in the next couple of weeks: "I want to be inside your heaven" -- what does that even MEAN? And why do I feel vaguely dirty when Bo sings it?

Lisa de Moraes: Because it's porn! Where are the decency police when you need them. Get me Brent Bozell's phone number STAT!!

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Germantown, Md. "Very old and not altogether there mentally" can only mean the very orange man that "Listen Up" is based on, right?

Lisa de Moraes: Man -- you're good! Do you work for Vanity Fair?

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Dear Pookie:: House is one of my new favorite shows of this season. Is it just me or does it seem weird that his three medical residents also perform surgery, operate the MRI machine (radiology), and break into people's houses to find evidence of their condition? This seems really far-fetched. Thoughts?

Lisa de Moraes: You were expecting something more realistic like, say "ER" in which a tank drives into the emergency room, after which a helicopter plunges into the hospital, after which a bomb explodes in the emergency room, after which....

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What's better ...: Dancing with the Stars or Hit Me Baby ...

Stars: Joey: Yes, your outfit does not make you look manly.Rachel: Please fix the flyaway hair.Soap Girl: It is painfully obvious you hate your dance partner.J. Peterman: I dig you.Evander: I'm stunned to see a boxer who seems to have lead feet.Trista: I expect more from a former Miami Heat Dancer.

Lisa de Moraes: This person watched, and now you don't have to.

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Arlington, Va.: What's the word on "Empire" from ABC? It looks good, but ...

Lisa de Moraes: This show seems to exist under some very dark cloud: The number of episodes ordered was cut, the budget was cut, some of the sets burned down,the debut was delayed and the people who ordered it are no longer running the entertainment division at the network. What amuses me me is that a network that considers the Deep Throat/Watergate story to be a "period piece" -- another way of saying "too old a story for our target audience of 18-49 but really 18-24" -- would order a miniseries set in 44 BC. I guess they'd seen the boxoffice on "Gladiator" and "Troy" hadn't come out yet...

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Frederick, Md.: For weeks I have watched in horror as ABC promoted the dumbest TV show ever: Dancing with some people you vaguely recognize.

After weeks of debating whether or not watch this train wreck, I decided not to give into my morbid curiosity. I did not want to encourage ABC by letting them think anyone would ever watch this drivel. But now I am dying to know: how was it?

I hope you watched so I didn't have to.

Lisa de Moraes: I did watch and hopefully, the burning sensation in my eyes will have stopped in time for next week's episode. Be advised, about 13.5 million people watched this debut, which is more than watched the first episode of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" -- another summer reality launch -- and not too many fewer viewers than the summer launch of the original "Survivor."

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Bethesda, Md.: Is it true that "Dancing with the stars" is a hit in other countries? What kind of ratings did it get? How does Trista still get on television?

Lisa de Moraes: Trista still gets on television (deep sigh) because so many millions of you continue to watch her...It's up to you to stop the madness. There is nothing more I can do.

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Washington, D.C.: Lisa,

Were there any shows in the upfronts that you thought would be worth catching this fall?

Lisa de Moraes: I have not seen all of the pilots yet. Based on the clips, which are sometimes very misleading, the Chris Rock comedy for UPN looked terrific. Advertisers seemed to think so too -- it clearly had the most buzz of any show all that week. Wouldn't that be strange if the best new show of the season was on UPN?

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Reality TV channel: Pookie!

I now know that the universe loves me (all of us TV people) and wants me to be happy. There is a reality channel. I spend the weekend watching Joe Millionaire. They just don't make them like that anymore.

I heard a rumor that they were getting rid of Janice on ANTM and putting Twiggy in her spot on the judge's panel. Please say it ain't so!

Lisa de Moraes: Sadly, it is so. We're talking about American's Next Top Model for those of you who haven't watched. Whacko Judge Janice is gone, and UPN is a sadder, if classier, place as a result...

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Arlington, Va.: Do you ever watch "Inside the Actor's Studio" with that blowhard host James Lipton? Is it just me, or does he stink? Angelina Jolie is his guest this Sunday. Lipton seems like such a brown noser. How does he get such famous people to show up?

Lisa de Moraes: Pookie, you just answered your own question. This show is brilliant: Hollywood Yesman Interview Show. Everyone shows up. The only person I've ever seen him piss off was Kevin Kline. Kline mentioned he learned some Latin in school. America's Greatest Living Gasbag said he had too and started speaking in Latin. Kline, a good sport, spoke a word or two in Latin -- Veni Vidi Vici or something -- and then Lipton keep speaking, on and on and on, in Latin. Kline looked thoroughly annoyed. Lipton was oblivious. It was wonderful.

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Olney, Md.: The other night watching some programs that I TiVo-ed, I noticed that after each commercial break, the program rating appeared in the upper left hand part of the TV screen. Normally it would appear on the hour and half hour. When did this change?

Lisa de Moraes: Blame Janet Jackson...I think some networks started to do that after Janet bared her breast at the Superbowl, or was it after the FCC slapped Fox stations with an enormous fine for having aired that episode of "Married by America"...or maybe it was after the Summer Olympics exposed millions of innocent American children to naked Greek statues..anyway, I believe it was in the wake of one of those events that rocked America to its core that at least one of the networks decided this would be an easy way to look like they were taking action...

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Harrisburg, Pa.: Is "Committed" gone for good, or is it on stand-by for a possible return? It quickly grew on me (although I recall not being too excited with the pilot) as a quirky and very well acted comedy. Does it go into the heap of potentially great shows that were never given a chance?

Lisa de Moraes: I just couldn't get passed the dying clown as comedy part...sorry, it's gone. The female lead is in some new CBS series -- I think she plays a female cop who arrests dead people. No, that's not it. Anyway, she's unavailable.

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House Rules: If you can't accept doc's doing everything you must not watch CSI where people who in real life are basically tech geeks and clerks interrogate and arrest people at gun point !

Lisa de Moraes: Or how about the shows where they fly someone in to a war zone to stand in front of a hotel and act like they were actually on the front lines experiencing the war. Oh wait, that's the news..never mind.

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Omarosa vs. Janice: I will definitely be tuning in to the next installment of "The Surreal Life", just to see Omarosa and Janice Dickinson share living space for ten days. I think Omarosa may have finally met her match.

Lisa de Moraes: I just don't get it. Can you explain to me why anyone would actually watch Omarosa, or Trista, or any of these reality series nobodies, unless they were paid to do so. They have no talent and are despicable people. What's the attraction?

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Fox Reality Channel: Why does DirecTV add the Fox Reality Channel, but I've been waiting for a year for them to add the Style Channel?

Lisa de Moraes: Rupert Murdoch's NewsCorp owns DirecTV. Ruper Murdoch's NewsCorp owns Fox Reality Channel. That's simple. Ask me a tough question...

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Washington, D.C.: Dancing with the Stars...I'm confused...Where are the stars?

Lisa de Moraes: yes, it should be "Dancing with C-list Celebrities." or "Dancing Past Their 15 Minutes."

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Arlington, Va.: This is kind of an odd question, but with so many of the Idol episodes being aired live, how on earth do the contestants' families manage to show up week after week and be in the audience? Do they quit their jobs? Fly in on a weekly basis? Do they pay for that themselves?

I've just been curious about how they manage it. Thanks pookie, you're the greatest.

Lisa de Moraes: I am afraid I have no answer to this one. I assume it's a little of both. I will find out.

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Crofton, Md.: Male opinion -- Female dancers on that stupid "stars" show are VERY sexy!

Lisa de Moraes: Please tell me you mean the celebrity one and not Trista....

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Inside Lipton: A favorite vision of mine ... James Lipton interviewing Charles Grodin. Lipton pompously intones " and then ... there was ... Beethoven II". And the crowd goes wild with applause.

Lisa de Moraes: Lipton is wonderful. I hope they replace Paula with him on "Idol" or Dan Rather on the CBS Evening News.

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Alexandriam, Va.: "Judging Amy" has banged its last gavel, apparently. Was I the only person who watched that? And ENJOYED doing so? Loved the Maxine-Cheech love affair, kinda liked Amy's brothers and their stories, enjoyed hot Bruce, and the cases were different from the usual police procedurals.

Sigh. But I'm older than 49, so I guess no one cares what I think any more. AARP card coming soon to a mailbox near me, I guess.

Lisa de Moraes: Sorry, but the minute CBS had the 18-49 crown within reach, "Judging Amy" was a goner. Cheech had a love affair?

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Toronto, Ontario:, Canada Who's more desperate to be famous and/or relevant, Trista or Rob and Amber?

Lisa de Moraes: Toss up, I'd say. We'll know when Rob does a dancing show.

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Baltimore, Md.: Re James Lipton: Yes, he can be insufferable, but he did have the cast of The Simpsons on -- seeing Azaria, Shearer, etc., do the voices while you watched them was wonderfully strange. And Lipton reciprocated by appearing on The Simpsons as himself, where he was gunned down mid-interview by Rainer Wolfcastle, Springfield Ahnuld like a movie star. So he must have a sense of humor.

Lisa de Moraes: No, really, he does not. That's one of the things that is so wonderful about him. He takes himself completely seriously.

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Our De-More-EYED Pookie: Because I have a 2 1/2 year old, I have to subject myself to gawd-awful kids shows. Sometimes I notice in the dialogue some seemingly really inappropriate (and funny!) double-entendres. Am I hearing things, or is it real, and the writers are trying to make it easier for us parents?

Lisa de Moraes: I like to think it's a public service the writers are performing for parents...

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Herndon, Va.: If Desperate Houswives is up against Arrested Development for Best Comedy, who wins?

Lisa de Moraes: Among the TV Critics? (Television Critics Association yesterday nominated both shows for best comedy of the year). I'd go with "Desperate Housewives" because they've lavished enough love on "Arrested Development" already....

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Washington, D.C.: I was out of the country for the American Idol finale. I taped it but haven't watched it yet. Apart from the fact that I don't like Carrie, should I just skip the whole thing and use my two hours doing something valuable like sleeping?

Lisa de Moraes: Watch the second hour. (Notice how I'm ignoring your cynicism?)First hour was a total waste of time, unless you like seeing a male former Idol contestant asking the First Lady of Carrie's home state, or maybe it was Bo's, if she would "get crazy" with him if her state's contestant won. That was a TV first. Anyway, the second hour featured performances by Idol contestants with the likes of George Benson, Billy Preston, etc. which was fun in a sort of I'm -so -pathetic -I- think- this- is- fun kind of way.

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Washington, D.C.: So how did the Eagles concert do in the ratings on Wednesday?

Thanks.

Lisa de Moraes: they did not soar.

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Woodbridge, Va.: Hi Lisa,I wrote in once before on "Joan of Arcadia". Your comment was quite prescient in that you predicted Joan might not make it through high school. Apparently, the CBS execs felt the same way. These people think I want to watch Jeff Probst for another "Survivor" debacle instead of a show that actually has some depth to it? I feel insulted.

Lisa de Moraes: CBS cancelled the show because it's ratings did not hold up this season. And it skewed old. They do, however, have a new drama about a woman who talks to dead people. One critic asked the head of CBS why he thought a show about a 25 year old who talks to dead people would skew younger than a show about a 17 year old who talks to god. He replied something to the effect that he expected dead people to skew younger than god. And he's right.

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Over the Moon for Her, D.C.: Historians, scribes, and pundits have now had a chance to apply their versions of rigorous analysis. Which is the greater television travesty: Tom on Oprah or Brando kissing Larry King?

Lisa de Moraes: Are you saying "travesty" like it's a bad thing? Brando kissing Larry was not unexpected; Brando had a history of odd behavior. The meltdown of Tom on Oprah was more of a surprise. On the other hand, years and years from now, when pundits are discussing the history of the entertainment industry, Brando will loom large; Tom won't even be discussed.

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Woodbridge, Va.: HI Lisa,actually, I was wrong. The CBS execs think I want to watch Jennifer Love Hewiit (has anyone ever sighted any talent there?) talk to dead people, a la Bruce Willis, or some such nonsense, rather than Joan of Arcadia.

Lisa de Moraes: No, CBS thinks younger people will. We'll see if they are right. Jennifer Love Hewitt -- talent. You don't usually see those two things together in a sentence...

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Washington, D.C.: Lisa -- Regarding "Hit Me Baby One More Time" --I f I were the lead singer of Loverboy or A Flock of Seagulls, I would have asked Woodward and Bernstein to guard my identity until after I died.

Lisa de Moraes: Or Vanity Fair bought the interview....oh wait, they didn't pay for the interview. Forget I said that. Try to put it out of your mind.

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Anonymous: Pookster! Doncha mean when JUSTIN bared her (Janet's) breast? It still galls me that that little twerp took none of the flack from that little incident

Lisa de Moraes: My bad and you are SO right. Shame on me!

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Anonymous: Pookaroonie! Did you see J-Lo on Lipton's gig? He'd drone on and one about method acting, the Stanislas theory, and so on and so on and J-Lo responding with such eloquences as "yeah, it was really cool and stuff".

Lisa de Moraes: I hope they donated that episode to the Museum of Television and Radio so it's preserved for ever and ever...that was the best Inside episode in ages...

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Washington, D.C.: "Crossfire" and Judy Woodruff's Politics show both go off the air today. Any final words?

Lisa de Moraes: Very sad. (giggling hysterically)

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Woodbridge, Va.: Father of young children here. Yes, writers of kids TV do drop in sly humor and entendres for benefit of parents, and they will have a place in Heaven for doing so.

Lisa de Moraes: Aren't you nice to say so. Seriously, I mean it.

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Woonsocket, R.I.: Are we absolutely certain that "Yes, Dear" is coming back? Rest assured, I am scanning the horizon like an officer of the deck on the Yorktown looking for the Imperial Fleet, ready to give the order to fire ...

Lisa de Moraes: Yes, dear, we are sure. I'm out of time. bye.

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Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

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